to my private view!”
This cartoon illustrates a total failure by one urinator to follow the basic etiquette of public urinal usage.
The rules establishing acceptable behaviour in what was formerly known universally as “the Gents” are few in number but they’re not piddling and they include advice on the age-old question of whether or not to fart in a relaxed or an enthusiastic manner.
The four essential rules of appropriate urinal behaviour are clearly enumerated and fully explained in a pocket-sized handbook titled 2p, published in 1984 by Urinary Tracts, of Margate. Copies of 2p were once widely available from high street outlets at a cost of 2p but today a well-thumbed copy will fetch up to 50p from a charity shop or one of the few secondhand bookshops that remain in business.
2p met (and, of course, still does) the need for a guiding hand to acceptable behaviour in the sadly diminishing number of open public conveniences. Young people who, in today’s parlance, “stand to pee” also stand to gain from learning the etiquette of the urinal.
Etiquette of the Urinal: 2p‘s Rule of Four
Rule 1. Do not stand directly next to another user if it can be avoided.
Rule 2. Conversation between users, adjacent or not, is acceptable provided that both parties address their remarks to the wall in front of them or apparently to nobody in particular.
Rule 3. Audible farting is permitted while at a standing and a jocular comment by the farter about their own fart or about another’s is generally accepted provided any remarks are addressed to the wall as set out in Rule 2. However, commenting on the passing of wind, particularly by others, is not obligatory and there may well be situations where discretion would be advised. Popular examples of approved remarks include, “Better out than in”, “Ooops. My (or ‘your’) motorbike won’t start” (said with an added chuckle), and the vintage classic: “More tea, vicar?”
Rule 4. The Golden Rule: Above all, do not look directly at another user or, if they are adjacent to you, downwards at their exposed organ. While a quick sideways glance might pass unnoticed, a sustained period of focused observation should be resisted no matter how potentially mesmerising the object of attention.