WITH A SET

OF THE STEAM DONKEY’S

SURREALIST ART COASTERS

These 90mm square

glossy

wipe-clean

printed wooden coasters

are available in sets of four from

STUDIO KWERKY

£11.95 plus postage

The post FOCUS ON FARTS lifts lid on the facts of flatulence first appeared on THE STEAM DONKEY GALLERY & PRESS.

by Knut Sackvoll

This homemade inflatable boat, called Doll, was discovered lying limp and derelict and surrounded by clumps of maidenhair fern (adiantum aethiopicum) beneath The White Cliffs of Dover. She had been knocked up, rather crudely, from bits picked up at the seaside or online.

Dating her maiden voyage was difficult; there were signs that she appeared late in the 1990s. Her distinguishing feature was the shape of her keel, which followed the well-rounded lines that American shipbuilders referred to as “bubblebutt”. This was a popular design found in the props on TV game shows such as “It’s a Cock-up!” because it made the boat unstable and prone to capsizing – much to the delight of spectators.

Vigorous pumping got the D.I.Y. Doll to come back into shape but when the pump was withdrawn a faint flatulent sound revealed that the rubber that had unfortunately perished.

The craft’s small size and shape suggested that she had always been a two-person (three at a squeeze) pleasure boat in which no one would wish to go too far for any longer than required. She was the floating (or otherwise) equivalent of a seafront “Kiss Me Quick!” hat.

‘Seamen Down the Ages’

 Surprisingly, her rusty vintage outboard motor had not seized up and could be teased back into a shuddering semblance of life in order to allow the “helmsman” to give his screw propeller a run. The propeller itself was encrusted and warped and sat on a shaft that was far from horizontal. This put a damper on the craft’s prospects of going all the way suggested by the size of its fuel tank. Nevertheless, despite little promise of a future foray lasting longer than a minute, the Doll deserved a better fate than a Kentish beach cleaner’s bin.

She found her final resting place at the end of Margate Pier as an exhibit in the “Jack Tar’s Jollies” museum of maritime fun. After extensive specialist puncture repairs at Halfords, and re-inflation by hand to 2.5 PSI, she became the focal point of the museum’s permanent interactive display of “Seamen Down the Ages”  (which competes with London’s Science Museum for knobs to turn and buttons to press).

Visitors are drawn into this exhibition by the plaintive sound of a shipwrecked sailor alone with his hornpipe begging for someone to give him one last rendering of  “Blow the Man Down” before he dies. This is interspersed with a melodious voice, attributed to the anthropomorphised Doll, repeating the traditional shanty’s best-known line: “Come quickly, lay aft to the break of the poop”. It is a moving experience.

The post Abandoned inflatable boat found on Dover beach first appeared on THE STEAM DONKEY GALLERY & PRESS.

Welcome to the first “wise crack” in our series of “Focus on Farts” flatulist graphics. The speaker is not talking out of his arse! All the facts about farting revealed in these graphics are true (or true enough…).

FOCUS ON FARTS No.2

THE IDEAL MUG FOR PROOF READERS

AND CLEVER LITERARY TYPES

“The penis mightier than the sword” is definitely NOT what Edward Bulwer-Lytton, the English writer and politician, said back in 1839. Perish the thought! What he said was: “The pen is mightier than the sword.”

Fat-fingering on the keyboard can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings – and this one has been sorted out using the traditional proof-reader’s correction mark (in blue) for such a blunder.

This amusing literary mug comes in a bright white glossy finish and is dishwasher and microwave safe with a grammatically correct handle.

Available from

STUDIO KWERKY

£8.99 plus postage

The post FOCUS ON FARTS lifts lid on the facts of flatulence first appeared on THE STEAM DONKEY GALLERY & PRESS.

This framed print makes toilet trips

a fascinating journey into the past

as users see what’s gone before

Turn your WC into a seat of learning

with these Victorian advertisements

Laugh in the loo with this unashamed lavatory wall art designed to entertain visitors to your smallest room (or anywhere else in your home or office).

The A4-size framed print features a facsimile of a page of advertisements from “The Jocular Troper Quarterly” of Spring 1899 (published 1 April of that year) and has been produced with the discerning interior designer’s needs in mind.

The image is printed using a 12-colour Giclée print process to provide an excellent reproduction of colours and details (which is perfect for the lighting in most household toilets).

The paper used is a natural, sustainable and environmentally-friendly product made from 90% bamboo fibres and 10% cotton, which offers warm tones without optical brighteners (which are not generally required in the domestic w.c.).

The paper is also acid and Lignin-free and conforms to the ISO 9706 standard to offer high museum quality ageing resistance (making it eminently suitable for old farts).

The matt black frame is constructed from 25mm solid wood with 2mm glass and an MDF backing board. It is sized perfectly for A4 (297mm x 210mm) and comes ready-to-hang.

This fine print is available from

STUDIO KWERKY

£29.99

POST FREE

+CLICK HERE FOR MORE FRAMED fARTWORKS

The post How to decorate your loo and keep your visitors engaged first appeared on THE STEAM DONKEY GALLERY & PRESS.

Fart-based deck games such as ‘Squeezy-Peasy’ (seen here being played aboard The Lazy Fairy cruise ship) kept passengers distracted from seriously addressing the storm of raging inflation into which they were blithely heading.

ARGhhh! It’s the Bottle of Hastings money box

The Bottle of Hastings is celebrated with this original ceramic money box. It’s the only bottle bank your small change will ever need! Save money and enjoy the nostalgic thought of a genuine Anglo-Saxon coastal Groyne Ale, which promises a mature taste sensation from 1066 that has been poetically described as “ARGhhh!”

A rare souvenir from the seaside town where the no-nonsense ale drinkers of England, led by King Harold, made their determined stand against an invasion from Normandy of alcoholic drinks made from apples and pears.

This decorative piggy bank has a bright white glossy finish and will sit nicely on the beer mat of your choice. A rubber stopper in the bottom (well, that’s what it is…) can be easily removed when you want the money.

The perfect Christmas or birthday gift for any beer aficionado.

The Bottle of Hastings Money Box

is available only from

STUDIO KWERKY

£10.99 plus postage

The post All at sea with money management problems & trapped wind first appeared on THE STEAM DONKEY GALLERY & PRESS.

DON’T BE MINGY!

Don’t be mingy! Splash out on this wonderful reminder of a visit to the seaside.

This promotional mug was produced to remember The Four Mermaids alehouse on Margate Sands.

The alehouse was the favourite meeting place of the town’s philosophers, who traditionally opened their proceedings with a debate about whether or not the fantastic creatures after whom the pub was named actually had sexual organs. Thus it was a no-brainer for the brewery’s graphic designers when they were looking for a theme for the establishment.

Of course, the decor could not be too graphic and so the interior decoration team settled for plastering the walls with framed prints of seashells, most of them unmistakably suggestive.

Four of these sexually suggestive shells appear here on this splendid example of a beer-related collectable souvenir of vintage Margate.

This 11oz ceramic mug – definitely an antique of the future – comes in a glossy white finish and is dishwasher and microwave safe.

P.S. The Four Mermaids would have become a popular port of call for visitors to the Turner Contemporary art gallery, which would have been within walking distance, but sadly the alehouse was destroyed, ironically, by enemy shellfire during the war.

Available from

STUDIO KWERKY

£8.99 plus postage

The post Trapped wind squeezes out cry for help to unblock exit first appeared on THE STEAM DONKEY GALLERY & PRESS.