The inspiration for this cartoon came from a report in the Daily Star that said women wear thongs because the skimpy garments silence farts.

The creator of the Instagram video that made the claim was quoted as saying, “When you have a piece of string in between your clappers, nothing is going in the wind.”

This was challenged by retired pole-dancing coach Reg Purslips, of Margate, in an unpublished letter to the editor of the Daily Star.

Purslip’s epistle to the Star

Sir,

I wish to respond to the story about thongs and farting.

I don’t doubt that “a piece of string between your clappers” silences some farts – but not mine! I always wore a G-string while pole dancing and I found that when I let one off it often came out with a “whistling” sound. No bit of string between my bum cheeks ever stifled anything!

After I withdrew from coaching pole-dancers I became a children’s entertainer and one of my numbers involved showing the kiddies how to use their thbums to whistle with a blade of grass.

I told them to listen to Boris Johnson and “follow the science”. Sound is created when something vibrates. If one blows on the edge of a vertical blade of grass while it is held tight between your thumbs it will vibrate, creating a whistling sound.

Exactly the same forces are at work whenever anyone farts while trussed up in a G-string. It is because I often “blew” on my reinforced gusset that I frequently whistled while I worked!

Your readers might like to experience “arse-whistling” for themselves. It’s an inexpensive experiment: a six-pack of micro G-string T-back mini-thong panties, guaranteed to be new and unworn, can be purchased from Studio Kwerky for less than a tenner – and they’ll make your farts sound like one!

I remain, etc

Reg C. Purslips

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